About two hours ago I sat down with the urge to write, and nothing came to me. This was a worry, since I felt like I'd only just started a blog and yet already it'd run its course. It's hugely frustrating feeling the need to write but not knowing what to write. My trusty sister and girlfriend came to my aid however. As did my cat and Matcha tea which I got in the Japan Centre in London. Nic should definitely start a blog. She was after all, the 'Bard' at the school Eisteddfod in 2008 and her creative writing at uni last year was really good (what she was willing to show me anyway!).
Nic's starting her MA English course in a couple of weeks, and that means she can delay reality for another year. It feels strange being in September with no new year of university or school. The last three years at this time I made the unenviable trek to Aberdeen, and feelings are certainly mixed that I won't be back this month. Part of me misses the academic life, the feeling of leaving (some) lectures completely lost in thought and contemplation, and the excitement of learning, in my case of the genius of people like St. John or Hildegard of Bingen or Christopher Marlowe. And discovering the virtues of Buddhism or the social context of Victorian literature. At the same time, part of me feels relieved that I don't have to write any more essays, or read books that are denser than a black hole, or try to make my maintenance loan last more than one month. Instead of all that however, what awaits me in the next few months is job hunting and part time work at B&Q. Oh, and Football Manager 2011. As a result, I feel pretty lost.
I'm making the most of being able to read what I want to read and selling two of my literature anthologies (albeit reluctantly) for £60 made my day. I've read Game of Thrones which was as good as everyone said it was. I hadn't seen the entire HBO series on Sky Atlantic because my Sky contract and I had to part ways but I hope it comes out on DVD soon because I really liked the book. I don't really feel in the mood for another 800 page book though so Clash of Kings might have to sit on the bookshelf for a while.
Working at B&Q though, is not quite so liberating. Fortunately, it's only 4 hour shifts. I work on the checkouts and pull and push trolleys. Despite that being the extent of my duties customers assume that I am a DIY expert. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm pretty tired of responding with "I'll find you someone who can help" to people asking if this fitting goes with this door, or if you need a machine to use that carpet cleaner, or if screw variety 1 works as well as screw variety 2. Not to mention items with no barcodes which all look the same, namely dozens of types of bricks, paving, walling, chains, tiles.. B&Q don't help themselves sometimes.
Anyway, I don't want this to become a B&Q rant. Working there is providing critically needed funds which might eventually edge me out of my overdraft. It's kind of sad that a bank balance of £0 is my medium term target. While B&Q provides motivation to find a better and proper job, it doesn't help at all that I don't really know what I want to do ultimately. And unfortunately, two possibilities at least need an extra qualification. Journalism seems to require a diploma which at Cardiff Uni is outrageously expensive, and teaching requires a PGCE. And with my girlfriend Laura needing to go back to Canada when her visa ends next March, it's difficult to know what will/should happen in the next year.
In any case, I feel I need to appreciate the way things are at the moment. It's not going to last forever, so while living at home can be trying sometimes, after living so far away for 3 years it's nice to have all of us together again, and the best things in life are small things, like watching Laura draw her pictures or watching Lucy the cat play with her favourite toy or having Sunday lunch with Mum, Dad, Nic and Beth. Everything's much better when they're around.
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